Um...Quinn's Cousin, or Somebody


Posts tagged with "feelings"

Writing Erin last night made me cry. They were tears of sadness, happiness, fear, and every emotion in between. These characters have me by the proverbial balls…and every moment of it is fascinating.

I just couldn’t take it anymore and I had to call him, hear his voice. I didn’t think he’d be home and I didn’t intend to leave a voicemail. He answered the phone but I asked for him anyway because he and his son sound pretty much the same, though I can tell the difference. I told him it was me and he sang my name like he always does. But his cell phone rang and he had to take it so he said he’d call me later and I didn’t want to let him go but I have no right to hold on too tight so I said OK. He told me he loved me, sang it, and I said I loved him too.

God, I want to hold him, smell him, and how dare he have my damn heart for like 20 fuckin years when I can never have him. And the truth is there are time when I totally accept that and live my life but lately, the past couple of weeks I have ached for him and nothing can soothe that ache and I only got to hear hello and goodbye today and that makes it worse and I don’t know when I’m gonna hear from him again so I’ll probably bury my fuckin feels in pie tonight.

Chief Strauss





I’m curious for people’s opinions.

Chief Strauss seems to be one of the most hated characters in the Criminal Minds ‘verse (minus Elle — which still doesn’t make sense to me, she was awesome.). And I know that there are reasons for it too. Asking Emily to spy on the BAU team being the main one, but as I sit here, re-watching 100 again, and a lot of people seems to hate her for the investigation and I don’t get it.

Hotch killed Foyet with his bare hands. It warrants an investigation, just as Elle’s shooting Lee warranted an investigation (which Elle got through, if I remember correctly.)

Chief Strauss, to me, has seemingly been doing her job the entire show. Hotch’s team does have a lot of stuff happen to them that to a supervisor’s standpoint could be damaging to the Bureau. I mean, think about it.  Elle killed someone (stuck in a situation Hotch never should have put her in in the first place), Reid was addicted to Dilaudid (spelling?) for months and the show gives us a glimpse of him debating using while working (even though, I don’t think that Sober!Reid would ever do that, but Addicted!Reid w/ PTSD could have - because hello, dead bodies after almost dying has to be a little rough and according to season 6, he didn’t even have any therapy after it.), Gideon just ups and leaves with no real answers (in the story they showed.)  All this stuff has got to have an effect on the Chief’s opinion on how Hotch runs his team. I think she has a right to have some suspicion when Emily comes to the team. To the point of spying on him to get rid of him? Yeah, a little ridiculous, but enough to hate her? I don’t know. I realize that it’s a TV show featuring Good v. Bad and we always need a villain. 

And after the episode where Strauss actually goes along with the BAU team, she gets a taste of it and honestly seems to understand a little better — the team was never messed with again, because of her anyways. And in Season 5-6, Strauss seems to be more helpful to the team (and Hotch with the retirement option.)

So I guess, I’m asking, Am I completely wrong? What is your opinion of Strauss?

For what it’s worth, I agree with this completely. For someone who functions as the closest thing that the show has to a recurring “stock villain”, I think her character has an extraordinary amount of depth. Her actions are not always likable, but I think they are largely understandable. I think Strauss is another character who is done little justice by fandom; because she doesn’t think the sun shines out of Hotch’s ass, she is automatically branded a “cold bitch”, despite the fact that her doubts concerning him and the team are often well-justified and that she shows a fair amount of sympathy towards him and others throughout the series.

"Her actions are not always likable, but I think they are largely understandable."

That basically sums up how I feel about everyone on the show. I watch from an intellectual and an emotional standpoint: emotionally, I get aggravated every time there’s a setback or someone’s feelings are trampled on because of her (or anyone else), but intellectually, I always keep in mind that there’s a job to be done, and someone’s gotta do it. This was really driven home for me when Strauss told Hotch re: JJ “So you want me to lose my job, so she can keep hers?”

Well, admittedly, I am biased as Strauss is one of my favorite characters but the only thing she ever did that I had a real issue with is trying to blackmail Emily into spying for her. Which I actually appreciate on one level because (from what I understand from people I’ve met who have worked at the FBI) it’s not that unrealistic. 

Apart from (eventually) loving the character, I appreciated her role as a more realistic element on Criminal Minds. I hate how often this team goes rogue or gets away with lax procedure(this bugs me on all procedurals) because the characters are supposed to “heroes”, because for some reason for them, the ends justify the means.

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What else can I say that hasnt been said so perfectly by others?  I feel Erin Strauss is one of the most realistic characters on the show, especially since I feel Seasons 6, 7, and 8 (basically everything since 100) has showed this group of people as nearly infallible superheroes and everyone else in authority be damned).  I honestly dont like that they made Strauss so pro-team, she stood up a couple of times (episode 8x17 stands out) but often I felt as if they were writing her as that overly smart woman who is never quite accepted by the “Mean Girls” so she sacrifices who she is to a point to have a seat at their table (at least in recent seasons). 

What she did to Emily was wrong and I think she learned her lesson after going out in the field and seeing the sometimes split second decision making.  Though I dont think trying to get rid of Hotch and Gideon was wrong from her POV.  Even in seasons 1 and 2 that team was doing what they wanted.  Getting the job done yes, but at what cost?  From what little they give us on her relationship with Blake, I think the actions of cutting her down, and others who worked on that botched case, was justified (again, we dont have enough info).  I think Erin Strauss is a strong woman, a dedicated agent, who doesnt let Aaron Hotchner (or anyone) walk all over her at least initially.  I think it would’ve been interesting though to see how she handled being lied to in the “Emily’s fake death” storyline but they didnt have her on enough to really show that.

Also I dont even want to discuss how she was relegated to a sound bite and Rossi’s girlfriend by the end.  Leaving that as her legacy kinda makes me sick to my stomach.

Jayne Atkinson responded to everyone’s comments on her first vlog except mine.  That really hurts.  I know she’s busy but wow, it makes me feel like shit.  I’ll definitely continue to watch, and hope that my necklace question makes it into one of them, but no more comments.  I dont need to be getting my hopes up about that kind of thing.  I honestly didnt expect anyone to get a response but when I saw they all had but me….

So many of the feminist and the social justice blogs say things like cat-calling is wrong and its intimidating and its disgusting, and surely I agree that being harassed on the street in a sexual way by strangers is gross. 

But yesterday I was walking home from work and some dude was mowing his grass and when I walked by he looked up and shouted “hey baby girl! Do that!” and it put a little pep in my step.  I said “how are you” with a little smile and kept walking.  He didnt chase me or try to engage or get mean when I walked away.  It was just a hello.  And I should be able to feel good about that. 

Balancing those feelings between feeling harassed (or thinking you should feel that way) and just enjoying someone enjoying you, even if you’re just sashaying by, is tough sometimes.  At least it is for me.

Sometimes I get so damn tired of it being good enough. I just want it to be good.

Jul 2

Sometimes I really just dont give a shit.

Erin has been talking to the FBI shrink in my head for days.  I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get all her thoughts and feelings down on paper.  When Erin gets emotional its tough for me to write.  And I want to remain true to her character as I see her in my head.  That’s a tough job for me to tackle since I feel so strongly about the subject matter.

  • me: god, i hate erin strauss
  • me: maybe she's okay
  • me: *living the strauss appreciation life*
  • strauss: *dies*

Oh dear God, now Because You Loved Me is on.  I think my iPod, and Celine Dion, are trying to kill me.